This was written several years ago in memory of a dear friend and loyal companion who passed away. She eventually found the stress and drama of thunderstorms just too much to bear. At this time of year when we spend time looking forward to the future, I think there is value in glancing backwards to remember and reflect on what has already come to pass.
I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the heart’s deep core.
William Yeats
I kept my secrets hidden, cloaked in mystery by midnight coloured fur. My eyes, the colour of cave held pools of water, reaching down to unfathomable depths; the surface calm and serene, revealing only a glimpse of the possibilities lying below.
When the voices first started, I wasn’t sure how to react. Should I be excited? Should I be afraid? I wavered constantly somewhere between the two emotions. When I heard them an energy would overtake me and it was as if I was acting outside of and beyond myself. My forefathers were calling to me across the ages.
They had always been with me, but they used to be buried deep inside. It had taken some time for their message to bubble to the surface and for me to really hear what they had to say. At first they spoke in whispers, their voices magically conjuring up images to fill my dreams and draw me to them. I visited their sacred places; walking through the vast green plains feeling the grass brush gently against my legs. I ran into the blustering wind, strongly drawing the clean, crisp air deep down into my lungs.
I felt young. I felt reckless. I felt alive.
So many of my kind have forgotten that we are joined to two families. Those families that we are part of in this world, and those families of our kin, the long line of ancestors who we still hold true to. My life here was full and rich, but the other life beckoned seductively, responding to something buried deep inside, the voices whispered ‘freedom’, and my soul would yield completely to their call.
Their voices and their promises were intoxicating and I found my strength to resist them gradually fade away. Their voices were more insistent when the rain lashed the land, with thunder and lightning crashing and rumbling across the sky. At these times, their voices grew strong, until they were shouting, ‘Run free, run, run to us….’. I found myself powerless to ignore their call. My body would respond of its own accord and I would run, hoping to catch the voices on the wild wind or reach them in the clap of thunder. They were too fast, keeping themselves just out of reach. It was as if I was connected to two worlds, and the distance between the two was becoming deeper and wider.
I knew that they would come for me soon, but a new beginning firstly requires an end. The voices grew more impatient, rarely leaving my side, calling me on to something new, somewhere else beyond the horizon.
With a sense of relief, I feel the time has finally come. I wish I could convey that this is not the end for me, that this is only the start of a new journey. Soon I will be reunited with my other kind, my other family, the caretakers of my spirit. In time the pain on this side will ease and a day will dawn fresh and new with the realisation that as one life ends, so another begins.
I am released. I am free. I am not alone.
