Dreaming of escape

Perhaps the reason I’ve been more there than here, is because I’ve been spending too much time in my head. There just seems to be more stuff than usual to think about. Or maybe I’m a little too preoccupied with dreams of future possibilities and opportunities.

Everything feels messy and up-in-the-air, so I feel all scattered and time poor. I go to start something and just don’t seem able to commit to it, and so I start another thing, then feel bad for not finishing off the first thing, go back to it again, run into the same trouble as before, and then start on something entirely different … and so the cycle continues. It’s frustrating and annoyingly inefficient, but I’m hoping to eventually find some method in the madness.

Dreaming about Paris, or New York, or somewhere...

This year was always going to be a pivotal year for me, and perhaps that’s adding to my general out-of-sorts feeling of late. I have a significant bucket of long service leave waiting for me, so I’ve been thinking on how best to use that time (which will hopefully include lots of sleeping and writing). In deciding not to go ahead with our trip to Japan, there are new travel plans in development to venture overseas later in the year (maybe London, maybe New York, maybe Paris … wherever really). These are all happy things to think on for sure, and that’s why the struggle is so puzzling.

So until I figure out how to make myself more here than there, maybe we can all just look at the pretty macaroons and dream of Paris? … Interestingly, the place I dream of most often is somewhere which may be of my own creation – it is a place built from dark black stone and thick-cut steps which lead up to streets with wide cobblestone paths. It is built on a steep outcrop which looks out over a swirling, midnight-coloured ocean. Nestled within this ominous and moody environment, is a surprisingly vibrant and modern city … wherever that place is or isn’t, it seems pretty fabulous to me. Maybe we can all go there together? (the weather always looks really nice, so that’s something). Dream of wondrous things, dear ones.

40 Comments

  1. Erika Lee Sears

    Tracey you would love Paris.. It is truely a magical place and has many wonderful things šŸ™‚

    You can do it girl! Take a baby step to your goal even if its devoting 15 minutes to it! You are so talented and shouldn’t let your talent be wasted! How are darling animals? or should I say zoo šŸ™‚ Is your Pasta bird still coming to visit?

    E

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Erika – Everyone tells me how wonderful Paris can be … I think my trouble is just narrowing down my wish list of where I want to go … there are so many fantastic places to see and people to meet! šŸ™‚

      Your encouragement is always appreciated Erika, and it certainly helps me feel that anything is possible. I’m making progress in the right direction towards my dreams, I think I’m just impatient for things to happen more quickly. Apart from your encouragement, your kindness is very welcome too.

      The animals are going very well – as I type, cat and dog are sound asleep on the floor behind me … and yes, Pasta still comes to visit from time to time (thanks for remembering him!). šŸ™‚

  2. Galit

    Oh dear! Those macarons are awesome!
    Just kidding, I mean, they’re awesome but I wrote it just because it kills me when readers leave me comments like that to a post they haven’t even read….
    I wrote you an email instead of putting my thoughts here.

    A nice coffee break T.? And treat yourself to a French Vogue magazine. They do wonders.

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Galit – Haha, oh you made me laugh with your comment (I know just what you mean when people leave some throw away comment on a post they clearly haven’t actually read) šŸ˜€

      Thanks for your email dear one … a response will shortly be heading your way. Yes a coffee break always helps, and it’s funny you mention it, because I’ve taken to picking up French Vogue at the newsagent and coming very close to buying it … perhaps I shall just indulge! šŸ™‚
      xx

  3. Valerie

    Hmmm… interesting. My theory is that you need to write a novel! With your city in it! Send me pages when you do.

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Valerie – Hmmm, I like the way you think … I shall have to think about what story should unfold in that world. I will happily take you up on your offer to read pages … I think at the moment I’m struggling to stop coming up with new writing ideas, I’m a bit inundated (which is not necessarily a bad thing) … I just need to commit to one and start writing it properly!! šŸ™‚

  4. Andrew

    Hi Tracey,

    I understand, really I do. 2011 is an important year for me also and I feel extremely time poor and at times overwhelmed.

    I’ve cut back on twitter, reduced my personal blogging and moved that time and energy onto other tasks. Each week I consider what is important, discuss it with my better half and I move forward. The tasks can be small or large, but the focus, discussion and tackling tasks in bitesize really helps, especially when there seems too much to do. Whatever your plans for the future, if you don’t mind me saying it is well worth laying the foundations. Already I’ve almost got all my holiday time sorted for the year. With the lack of time, knowing when I’m going to get some decent R&R really helps.

    I think for me personally the declutter efforts have also really helped. Contributes to my realisation of what really is important.

    Anyhow I could write more, but instead I will wish you the very best.

    All the best

    Andrew

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Andrew – Thanks for your kind words. I know that this year has presented challenges and opportunities for you too, so it’s very nice of you to take the time to share your thoughts here.

      I’m trying to make a few changes with how I spend my time online too. Sometimes it’s hard to adjust to a different, ‘stricter’ structure, but I’m already starting to see the benefits. So I’m completely with you on re-prioritising your time and energy into tasks that are really important. I think your approach in breaking down tasks into bitesize pieces is really clever and I can see how that would be really beneficial to actually getting the right things done first.

      I totally agree that laying some foundations for future plans and time away from work, will make it much easier to cope with time management in the here and now … I think that’s why I’m probably feeling like I need to make some decisions now rather than wait for the time off to roll around and then go, ‘now what?’.

      While I’m on a run of agreeing with you, Lee and I have also been decluttering so much of our stuff. It’s been a fantastic process, and one that continues each and everyday. I think it makes me live more thoughtfully in the world, as you can better see what is and isn’t necessary.

      Thanks so much for your words Andrew … as you can see, I think we’re on the same page.
      Take care.

  5. Caz

    I know people always say it but I really can’t believe how fast this year is flying! Sometimes I feel like I should be planning/ scheduling things a bit more to make the most of my time and other times I feel like I should be living in the moment more. It’s all about finding the right balance isn’t it? There is always pressure surrounding long service leave too as you always feel you must do something ‘momentous’ with it but perhaps all we really need having been in the workforce that long is a good, long sleep!

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Caz – I know just what you mean … this year has gone crazily (and a little scarily) fast. I can’t quite believe it’s already June!! I struggle with finding that balance between planning and spontaneity (as you can probably tell from this post), and I’m always a little envious of people that seem to have things a bit more together than I do.

      There is definitely a bit of pressure involved with taking long service leave, and wanting to really ‘achieve’ something with it. Though I think you might just be right about making sure that sleep is given a high priority! šŸ™‚

  6. Jan

    Hi Tracey
    OMG that just describes me perfectly at the moment, more there than here! Can’t seem to focus and I really need to, fluffing around at home and not really achieving anything. For me, I need to make a list, that’s a great tool for me if I have a list I work through it ticking things off (it’s the Virgo in me), if not, oh boy I can be the consummate time waster.
    It sounds to me as if you are wanting some big changes in your life but may not have recognised that yet – long service, travel, Paris seems to point to itchy feet and change. Do you meditate at all? If you do why don’t you meditate on it and ask what do I want? Let your higher self speak to you. Even your dream the dark ominous building with a road to a bright and vibrant place – is the building where you are and the bright, vibrant city (metaphorically) where you want to be?
    Anyway good luck with it all, I think 2011 is a year of much upheaval and change for a lot of people all over the world.

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Jan – It’s so hard to find that focus sometimes … I often try to blame a change in seasons, but I think this is definitely a bit more than that. I hate that feeling of being busy and yet not achieving very much at all … it’s annoying and frustrating. Making lists is definitely a great tool to help organise the mind and important tasks. I think my trouble is that I make multiple lists and it all gets to be a bit of a mess! šŸ˜‰

      Oh yes, I’ve known for a while that there are big changes needed in my life … but I’ve also known that I’ve needed to wait for the timing to be right for me to implement them … that’s OK, it’s not too far away now! šŸ™‚
      Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions … while I don’t meditate, I must say I think and reflect on my dreams quite often … they can be fascinating things.

      I agree that 2011 seems to be a year of change for many people, and that can be a wonderful thing indeed. šŸ™‚

  7. Jan

    Hmm just noticed the title as well “Dreaming of Escape”!! Sigghh, aren’t we all?

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Jan – I know what you mean … that need to escape can grow stronger from time to time for us all.

  8. Krystal/Village

    i’m ready for some vacation time on a beach actually, i feel like that’s just what i need. however, i’m going to paris next weekend though! we have some friends visiting and are going with them. you can come join?

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Krystal – Oh vacation time by the beach sounds rather lovely too … come over to Australia for a visit and you’ll find just what you need!! šŸ™‚

      Oh I would love to join you and your friends in Paris! If only I could be there!! So I shall have to instead just sigh with jealousy … haha, only joking – I hope you all have a fantastic time!! šŸ˜€

  9. Mel

    Funny how often you seem to sum up how I’ve been feeling! I think I can describe it at times as ‘detached’…. But I’m learning why it’s happening and how to deal with it, and it sounds like you are too xx

    The travel plans sound exciting! I can recommend London and Paris from personal experience; one day I hope to see NY so then I’ll be able to recommend there too!

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Mel – It seems a few of us have been feeling a little like this lately. I wonder if this year is just filled with that sense of change? Hmmm, your description of feeling ‘detached’ is very appropriate … but at least it seems like the both of us are figuring out what we need to do to get out of that state of mind.

      Travel planning is exciting indeed … we just have to settle on exactly where to go. There are so many wonderful places we want to visit, and we’re greedy in wanting to visit them all! šŸ™‚ … I’m sure I’ll love wherever we go, I think I just need a break away somewhere. xx

  10. woolf

    sounds to me like a warm spot in your soul, that place.
    there. you’re here already!… :)))
    nā™„

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Woolf – Ohhh, I rather like the sounds of that. I would never have thought about an inward rather than outward bound journey like that. You are such a delight. xx

  11. Gabrielle Bryden

    That sounds a little like Greece, Spain or Italy šŸ™‚ – sorry, that is just me superimposing my dream on your dream – haha. I’m sure it will all work itself out Tracey.

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Gabrielle – Greece, Spain or Italy?? Yes please I’ll take one of all three! šŸ˜‰
      Haha, I think we all recommend places we love to other people who are planning their own adventures … I think it’s only natural Gabrielle. Thanks for saying it will all work itself out, I know it will, but it’s certainly nice to have someone else say it too. šŸ™‚

  12. Hayley Cafarella

    I hope things are able to settle down so that you can have a getaway soon! I am always dreaming of escape, haven’t been on a holiday in years! I have also been literally dreaming of escape lately…but that’s a longer story for another time šŸ˜‰ xx

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Hayley – Oh yes, things will settle down soon … it’s funny, even in writing this post I feel like it’s helped me find a bit of serenity in the planning process. At this stage I’m thinking of heading away somewhere in November … but I suppose it all depends on what airfares we can find.

      You definitely need a holiday too … thank goodness in the meantime we can dream ourselves away somewhere by reading wonderful books or watching great movies. xx

  13. fairchildstreet

    Lovely decisions to make you are lucky you have choices. Love the photo.

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Charmaine – Indeed! These are happy decisions to be pre-occupied with … I just need to stop procrastinating on things I think. I’m glad you liked the photo – the macaroons tasted as good as they look too! šŸ˜‰

  14. bobbi

    I know how you feel. It happens to me all the time. You should really get away fro a while, even a day trip somwhere would be of great help.

    Thanks for your sweet comment Tracey. I really needed nice words.

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Bobbi – I think sometimes we need to break out of our own heads a little by having a physical change of scenery. It’s funny how that can help. Before I take a big trip away, I’m definitely hoping to do a few little side trips here and there … after all, there are some lovely places to explore not too far away from me.

      PS. You’re very welcome about my comment Bobbi … I know just how difficult those moments can be.
      xx

  15. Kylie

    Even if you do take the trip, make sure you have a good chunk of time at home just for you so you can work on some projects. Writing, crafty pursuits, whatever takes your fancy. I highly recommend it. šŸ™‚

    I can’t wait to chat about your options over dinner soon!

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Kylie – There is definitely going to be a lot of time to spend at home, or at the very least not too far away from it. At this stage I think we’ll only be travelling for about a month, which will only be a small chunk of time out of my leave. I’m so looking forward to doing lots of writing. The trouble will be, will I ever want to come back after so long off work? šŸ˜‰

      Oh yes please, I need all the ‘talking through options’ help I can get. xx

  16. urban muser

    macaroons and paris sounds wonderful to me! (new york does too, but i live there!) good luck as you dream of your escape.

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Urban Muser – I think macaroons and Paris always sound like good ideas … I love seeing New York through your eyes via your photographs, it seems like an amazing place to live. Thanks for the good luck wishes, I’m sure good things will come together soon. šŸ™‚

  17. Linda from Heartfire At Home

    Tracey, I so get the whole ‘in your head thing’. I’m having a great deal of trouble feeling centred at the moment… and have looked up when my long service leave is due! I’ve been teaching (as my main means of support) for 24 years, and I’m feeling as though it’s very much time to do something else with my life. It’s not my calling anymore, and I have other passions that have always been underlying (and probably what you[‘d call my true passions), but have been pushed down and squashed for various reasons.

    The fact that I’m a pretty good teacher has probably held me in this job longer than I should have stayed. I feel sort of guilty for leaving it… but you have to be true to yourself.

    My love of interior design and fascination with creating a soulful home is one of my passions…. and my blog and small sideline biz has gone some way to keeping that spark alive. But, I’m still floundering around wondering where I really should be going and how to approach it. If I didn’t have to support myself, pay a mortgage and keep the bills ticking over I’d leave my teaching job and sign up for a fully fledged Interior Design course tomorrow just to get some professional quals and some letters beside my name (I’m quite confident of my abilities and their results, but the letters would be nice!)

    You know how ‘they’ say you know you’re in the job of your dreams when you’d do it for free…. well…. if I didn’t need any money, I’d travel around helping people create soulful and beautifully decorated homes for free. It’s what I feel is my calling. But, my real world needs (paying the mortgage etc) get in the way. So, I have to figure out another pathway.

    I’m taking a real estate agent’s course in the holidays…. I may go into selling houses and helping people prepare their homes for sale for a while. Although, the market over here is hitting a slump, so prob not the best time… but I’m going to do it anyway and see what happens!

    I’ve been so busy at work over the last couple of weeks I’ve done nothing blog wise and have been nearly absent on my friend’s blogs. So tonight I’m trying to catch up a little! I still have to take a photo of those lovely seeds you sent me and where I’m planning on planting them.

    Your dream home sounds beautiful. I’m a lover of moody environments. It sounds perfect to me.

    I hope we both find clarity soon. šŸ™‚

    Linda. xox

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Linda – Yes, that’s what it is isn’t it? That inability to feel centred, and it can be really frustrating when you’re not quite sure where you’re heading or how you arrived at your current ‘destination’. It sounds like you’ve devoted a lot of time to the field of teaching – 24 years is a fantastic commitment! Once you recognise that something isn’t your true passion and doesn’t feel like a calling, it becomes (at least for me) really hard to motivate yourself to continue to pursue that field. I’ve never really found anywhere in the professional world that feels like the right fit for me, and I’m starting to think that arena isn’t really the place for me at all.

      As you point out that, there are things that need to be done and bills that need to be paid. So the pursuit of a dream has to be done in a practical way and at the right time. That’s why I think long service leave is a nice bonus and a perfect opportunity to indulge in a little personal dream exploration. I know the thought of having a nice bucket of leave waiting for me has kept me working in fields much longer than I otherwise would have been able to handle. It was a tradeoff if you will. I think that ‘guilt’ you describe is something that can really mess with you … I know exactly what you mean. Because I’ve been competent at my job, it’s been relatively easy for me to stay … and then you kind of feel bad for thinking you need to leave something that isn’t really all that bad at all.

      I really love how you describe your passion for interior design and the creation of soulful homes, and I think that would be a wonderful thing to help people with and a lovely way to create beauty in the world. What about one of those online / distance interior design courses? I’ve heard a few of those are quite good, and would ultimately lead to those all important letters. Taking a real estate course sounds like a great step in the meantime, as I can see a logical link between that and what you want to end up doing.

      There’s too much busy stuff going around at the moment … I know I’ve been a little slack in staying in touch with all my favourite blog people too. Linda I wish you all the very best in pursuing your dreams … while you may not feel it right now, in reading your words I think your path is actually already clearer than you think it is. Take care. xx

  18. sosser

    i got lost in your lovely thoughtful post and then in all of the lovely and thoughtful comments… struggling for balance, it seems like a common thread for all of us. and that pesky time maintenance. everywhere i look there seems to be an unfinished project waiting. i, too, look for a “method in the madness”. with all of this love and support i also believe things will be resolved and all will be well for you. best wishes, s

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Sosser – Oh that’s so sweet of you … there has certainly been a lot of wonderful discussion about dreaming and escaping (two very important topics).

      Time management skills are something that I’m sorely lacking … I tend to get over-whelmed by everything that needs to be done, or struggle to set my priorities correctly. I also have those unfinished projects waiting for further attention.

      I send best wishes your way for all those projects to move ever closer to completion … let’s look for a method in the madness together! šŸ™‚

  19. lenore*

    I understand how you feel Tracey…hope things would be much better soon!
    I think you’d fall in love with Paris, I was there last year before the holiday season…it’s always so inspiring!
    ~All the best dear!

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Lenore – I’m sure things will sort themselves out soon … perhaps I’m just too impatient to have everything happen NOW! Haha! šŸ˜‰

      I suspect I would easily fall in love with Paris … it always looks and sounds like an incredible place, rich in culture, inspiration and people.

      Thanks for your well wishes.
      xx

  20. Narnie

    My eldest is taking her first trip to Paris with her boyfriend this summer – I’m hoping she’s not going to be disappointed. I got lost there, in the pouring rain and not one single person would tell me where my hotel was with my pigeon French, haha. I was only 17 too. Macaroons are gorgeous – I mistook them for whoopies which I don’t like at all. But macaroons – your reputation of excellent taste is intact šŸ˜‰

    1. tracey (Post author)

      Hi Kiersty – Oh how exciting for your daughter with her trip to Paris … I hope she loves it, and has a better experience than you did at 17 … I’m sure it’s the kind of place that could make you feel very alone if you were lost (and didn’t have a great command of the language).

      Macaroons are a delight! I always find them hard to resist … haha, glad to hear my reputation is still intact! šŸ™‚

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