A Love Letter for St.Valentine

RosesI would have loved you tonight if you had not been drinking, but for some reason you took to the bottle instead of taking refuge in me.

I could have been your safe harbour, your rocky shore to cling to, the anchor to hold you firmly in place, but you could not or would not see it.

You have always been so good at turning a blind eye.

If we had simply touched, then things would have been fine. We would have shaken off the bad tidings, laughed at the ridiculousness of life and just held eachother as we floated above the weight of the world.

I don’t know why you don’t know that I need you right now. In not having you right at this minute I feel more alone than I ever could have, even in that time before you when it was always just me. Your cold arrow strikes right to my heart, and it strikes so horribly true.

The pointed tip you send is crueller than most. I would rather it bring death. Instead it has become permanently lodged, a constant, ripping, shredding, festering kind of pain that can never be overcome or overlooked.

I don’t want things to end this way, but I feel that this is how you’d rather be, otherwise why would you choose to be like this. And there is no mistaking it, a decision has been made. You are there and I am here; for two people so close we are so very far apart.

When things grow cold, too cold, they turn brittle and break. The resulting pieces that shatter on the ground can never be mended. We should not let this happen to us. These two halves of the whole need to have constant attention to keep the warm connection alive, otherwise how will we know when to fan the flames and when more wood is needed to stoke the fire.

Whoever you are right now this is not you, but this is me. I hope you realise this in time before all is lost and things that should not be unmade will be forgotten.

10 Comments

  1. PaulS (gingatao)

    That is very effective and passionate writing without ever losing control of the tone. It never becomes angry, just sad and compassionate. There is a kind of beauty in the imagery and ideas that enhances its sadness. Lovely writing, very sad story.

  2. Tracey

    Hey PaulS – Thanks so much. When I wrote it I was inspired by that almost hopeless feeling you get when you’re having to push on through heavy rain. I suppose it was from that kind of place that I was trying to draw the continuous sense of emotion from.

  3. Jo

    This is very well done, Tracey, very fluid, very emotive.

  4. Narnie

    a talking to self, rather than to ‘him’ which whispers solutions and promises. Beautiful in it’s sadness.

    Narnie’s last blog post..dis solution

  5. Nico

    So wise and true. (It’s really relevant in my life right now…)

    Nico’s last blog post..The Sex and Violence Post

  6. Tracey

    Hi Jo – Thanks so much for being so kind. I suppose with this piece I was really trying to capture a sense of emotional movement. Hopefully it worked!

  7. Tracey

    Hi Narnie – I’m so glad you got that whole ‘letter to self’ aspect from this. Sometimes I think in writing down our painful memories, feelings and thoughts we can be somehow more honest with ourselves.

  8. Tracey

    Hi Nico – Thanks for your visit. While I’m glad you liked this piece, I hope that things in your life ‘happy themselves’ up real soon. 8)

  9. Ricardo

    Tracey I’m hoping that this wonderful bit of writing is something that’s in the past and not ripping you up inside right now. But reading your comments you seem to have drawn very well on the essence of having to push through the rain. It seems like this could also be based on numerous emotions you’ve felt at different times of your life in the romance department. It’s come together quite well with this.

    Ricardo’s last blog post..Another Round in the Books

  10. Tracey

    Hi Ricardo – Yes, this is not something that I’m living with now (thankfully). Rather (as you suggested) I pulled together all those heartbreaking moments that we all experience into the one place to achieve (hopefully) a sense of raw and real emotion. Thanks so much for your comments. Romance can be such a hard thing for us to come through unscathed.

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